Funny Words

[Professor Albus Dumbledore]

This will be the thread for all phrases and quotes, things of that nature.

[Elizabeth Connolly]

I feel like I just got jizzed on by a smurf


Quotes by me.
Dude it smells like stale pussy in here
Kate: Yeah but it tasted really good

Megan: wtf my ie is being cracky
Erin: cracky?
Megan: very
Megan: its doing more crack that kristen stewart
Erin: lolll
Erin: *applause*

Megan: the thought of you not being on for two whole days is scary.
Erin: i'm sorry
Erin: :[
Megan: its foreign like fajitas XD
Erin: lmao
Erin: that is your funny of the day

[Deleted]

This i came up with all by myself : He(she) isn't the smartest pineapple in the strawberry bush.

[sakura]

This is an actual conversation I had with my dad.

Dad: I killed a rattle snake once.
Brittany ( me ): Seriously? Cool!
Johnny ( My brother ): With a gun?
Dad: No! A f*cking Twinkie!

[blackrose]

Okay, since we are doing conversations right now:

Amy: So we are all agreed that Hardy's poems are based around a sentiment shared by many Victorians in the time period, consistent with his beliefs, or rather, disbeliefs in God?
Isaac: Yeah, you got it!
Isis: Way to go Ames, you got it right!
Amy: Elora?
Elora: Can monkeys eat bananas all day, or do they get sick and eat apples sometimes? Or maybe coconuts.....Yeah, monkeys eating coconuts sounds right.
*Amy, Isis and Isaac stare at her*
Elora: What?
Isis: You didn't hear a word we said did you?
Elora: Sure I did. You said...... Um..... Tennyson talks a load of b*ll*cks, and you wish he was dead?
Amy: One, he is already dead. Two, we were discussing Hardy. Three, monkeys and kiwis sounds way cooler!

[sakura]

Oo!

Shelby ( My cusion ) : I need to go to Get backers rehab!
Abby: Really? Just now figre that out?
Shelby: Yeah...I got the hint when my computre won't let me watch it! * Crys. *
Me: Your crazy...No wait...Thats me! ^^

Abby: WERE TURNING INTO SWIZERLAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Megan: Whats that? Candy?
Me: Uh, no, a country Megs....

[deliriousjuliet]

Zaq: That's one hot poster
Brendan: She's gonna shove that sword so far up your ego.


Randall: Why do you want a monkey?
Jay: To teach it to smoke

[deliriousjuliet]

I'd be swave and poetic yet a bad boy. I'd be patrick swayze...Dirty Dancing Patrick Swayze

[Deleted]

Jon(my friend): Your nails are purple...
Me: They smell like grape too, I'd let you smell them...but that'd be weird...

(Okay, set up for the next one. I was walking down a bike path to my friend's house and these two little boys around 10 on bikes came towards me)

Little Boy One: Hi
Me:.... **thinking....Why are these little boys talking to me..."
Little Boy One: You're Pretty
Little Boy Two: Want me to lick your ***** (I can't put the word, it's dirty....but you can figure it out.)

[deliriousjuliet]

....grosssss

[erika]

eeew

(following Sylvie's example of set up or else this would make no sense. Okay, msn conversation between me and Isaac-also known as Indie)

Inds: I love New Orleans!
Me: Why?
Inds: The people are so friendly and the foods great! I have had seven types of gumbo in one day!
Me: Inds? How are you feeling?
Inds: Actually, a little sick. why?
Me: Gumbo has seafood in. You are ALLERGIC to seafood you idiot!
Inds: Oh. My. God. That would explain the claw in my bowl.
me: We are not related!

[Deleted]

(my friend and I were talking about our lunch classes today, she has one of my best friends in hers...they talk about disturbing things...)

Jess: So, you were brought up in our coversation today at lunch
Me: **groans** Something sexual?
Jess: Just how you like to choke people because you get angry, and Jesus (my friend, his nickname) said how you like to choke people, choking chickens....

(there was more, but its much to graphic.)

[logans]

(chat box conversation with another girl I know)

Jinx: I need somewhere to start a thread
Crysa: That's nice
Jinx: Name a place, any place!
Crysa: Um, monkey's uncle!
Jinx: I mean't a real place
Crysa: Oh.... ROR?

[zachy]

How do you treat your chickens sure?
Like delicious birds that people love to eat


from episode 7, season 5 of Bones

[reneegray]

Text conversation with my friend Matthew who lives in Missippi-

Me: So I realized that I could get raped at any moment. Like walking around in my jammies outside in the south end...granted it's not likely
Matthew: I'd rape you.
Me: That's not rape.
Matthew: What're you saying?
Me: That you're a hot munchikin
Matthew: HEY!
Me: What that's a total compliment! I'm normally not attracted to short guys
Matthew: XP
Me: And then I burst into flames


For some reason that's so hilarious to me. ALso if you knew me and matthew you you'd know really why it's hilarious

[blackrose]

Okay random Britt. Conversation between me and my mom about a minute ago.

Mom: Amy, why is there tinsel up in your room?
Me: Because I have to move into the caravan.
Mom: That's not until Christmas when nana comes to stay.
Me: I know, but this way I get tinsel up for a month in my room, before I have to move it to the caravan.
Mom: Alright..... Want anything?
Me: You to let Inds share the basement with all us girls again.
Mom: No way Amy, that was fine when you were just friends but things have changed.
Me: Right, we sneak him in anway you know...... Oh yeah, how did Millie take the break up?
Mom: I drove her to a hotel sixty miles away last night. *glares*
Me: What? I didn't ask Inds to break up with her!
Mom: Teenagers!

^^I still have no idea what she mean't by that last comment. Anyway, this makes me laugh more because of the expression on her face then anything.

[Elizabeth Connolly]

"Uhm this is Tina, and I'm from Waycoo."
"Why waco"
"And i'm kind of embarassed saying this but, i mean i think j-jesus was hot. he's so hot. he kinda looks like a movie star."

[zachy]

"My chicken soup tastes like tornado!"

I thought this very thought while drinking my chicken soup that I have everyday at lunch.....

and in my head, I now refer to the soup as Tornado soup....